Posts Tagged ‘ Twitter ’

A year of Twitter Favourites – Part 1

Exactly a year ago, I figured out what Favorites on Twitter were (I still eye Lists suspiciously, but I’m straying from the point). It dawned on me that you can only go so far back in someone’s timeline, and it would be rather nice to see some of this stuff in one place.

I’m not taking any credit (except for the three of my own – fuck knows how they got in), this is merely a tribute to some very clever, witty people, and some downright mentalists too.They are very funny mostly, and some are bookmarks to links I find interesting.

You might not get some of the remarks or replies, but who said this was about you, eh? Oh, and there’s lots of swearing.

These are all the ones I could back up, so I’m missing 80 or so, and if you don’t want yours shown here, please let me know and I’ll delete them. Enjoy all 1600 or so – there will be 8 or 9 posts in total (this isn’t quite as easy as I thought) :

March 26 @michaellegge I’m going to sleep the shit out of tonight. Seriously. I’m going to fucking nap it’s cunt off.
March 29 @TheDollSays The amount of stimulants I have in a day could reanimate a corpse. Without them I look like a reanimated corpse. So, swings and roundabouts.
March 30 @EatMyHalo @iamchads Nobody ever said Hail Julius you crazy mofo. I imagine they wouldn’t have lasted long being so forward with the ‘man’.
March 30 @Orbette – Direct link to HIWAWIOUS Stormtrooper photos. These are fucking awesome.
March 30 @cripesonfriday Grace spent the afternoon finger painting. She did 9 paintings. They are all shit. She also can’t accept criticism.
March 31 @TheDollSays I’ve broken a nail. Compared to all the others that finger now looks like the retarded cousin that isn’t allowed sugar or forks.
April 3 @EatMyHalo Eddie Jordan just confused the phrase ‘high horse’ with ‘hobby horse’. What an utter cock he is. A cock horse if you will. #f1
April 3 @Revmoon Is there any point in the North? I think of it like a loft, where you store crap. I recently boot sold and eBayed the lot and don’t miss it
April 5 @BinaryDad This is the pub from outside. It is a place to huddle.
April 8 @TheDollSays Wanky double-tweet due to a shocking slip in language skills. Normal service will be resumed after I’ve fingered Lynne Truss as penance.
April 19 @TheDollSays @iamchads *bottom lip wobbles, eyes mist over* I won’t disappoint you, I truly am an immoral and disgusting fuckwench. No, YOU’RE crying…
April 20 @TheDollSays @iamchads Incidentally, I love ‘cuntery’ but it does sound like a special holiday home for vaginas.
April 23 @TheDollSays Picked up an old leaf that had blown in. It was a fat fucking moth. No one’s screamed like that in Brixton since the riots.
April 24 @TheDollSays “I can’t put any more of myself into that dish.” Yes, you’ve wanked yourself dry, chef! You have a lie down, I’ll wash up. #greatbritishmenu
April 24 @Brain_Wash Sometimes, I just need to hear those three magic words that make me know that everything is going to be alright.
“Not. Wearing. Panties.”
April 24 @TheDollSays @grahamtcousins @iamchads Fuck vegetarians in the ear with a lamb kebab. Fucking protein deficient wankers.
April 24 @GrahamTCousins @joannarose @iamchads  I have a great mistrust of vegetarians, they will all snap one day, and eat offal.  Or maybe not. *can’t truss it*
April 25 @FizzyDuck THE most bizarre ‘Closed’ sign! (pic) ~
April 25 @EatMyHalo I almost died just then. Falling from a rose strewn balcony? Stabbed by a jealous lover? No. Choking on my own spit.
April 26 @TheDollSays A girl has turned up for an interview. She’s 19 and looks like Georgia Jagger. Next to her I look like Mick bloody Jagger. Hope she’s shit.
April 26 @TheDollSays @grahamtcousins We’d never cheapen anything, daaaaaahling *covers up cock & balls she’s drawn on the FT*
April 26 @TomAllingham RT @iamchads Fuck this, I’m going back to the snooker. Just like Syed, it’s a difficult choice between the easy pink or the tight brown. #fb
April 26 @TheDollSays @Jackster69 Fruit? It would be less gay for you to suck a bloke off. Eat some fucking pig bits immediately #bacon #BACON
April 26 @TheDollSays @Jackster69 Ignore any feelings of health and wellbeing it may have given you, it’s a slippery slope to bumming. #bacon #BACON #extrabacon
April 27 @TheSleepyNinja Whoa pinch too much chili in my beans on toast  that fucking woke me right the fuck up. Morning twitter, did I hear someone say flat white?
April 27 @mattwhatsit Asked the staff around the office who they’re voting for & every single one of them said “Put your trousers back on.”
April 27 @iamchads RT @FUERTESKNIGHT: men wearing Ugg boots is the loudest cry for help…or a kick to the meat box << I’m following her for “meat box”
April 27 @theyreblind Something something long story short, anybody got a pair of forceps I can borrow?
April 27 @WH1SKS French Students: “Merci” in English is “Thank you”. It’s not that difficult is it?
April 27 @moogyboobles What is it about the word fiscal?  I don’t like it, sounds dirty in a b2b salesman who stays in hotel campanile kind of way.
April 27 @HisTigerLily Just use the pen to poke my eyeball while talking with your hands. It’d feel better than your voice in my ear.
April 27 @TheDollSays …and true to my word, I never licked it again. Oh! Hi Twtter, didn’t see you there.
April 28 @Orbette Have just decided to start using ‘mongoloid wank satchel’ as a term of endearment.
April 28 @TheDollSays Muesli Boy’s Mrs & baby visited. He introduced me as ‘Auntie Jo.’ The baby threw up on him but I had the decency to swallow mine.
April 28 @TheDollSays Brown should have done what we all do when we walk away from a total idiot: stuck his tongue in his lower lip and made the ‘Nnnn’ noise.
April 28 @TheFagCasanova “That does it you racist, leathery old cockwallet. I’m going to rip yer fanny off!”
April 28 @mattwhatsit I prefer not to go to the pub at the end of our road due to my pesky stab allergy.
April 30 @BECKintl Caption by @joannarose, drawing by me. The joy of living alone. #cartoon Have a nice weekend.
May 1 @SyzygySweetie My hairdresser keeps saying ‘deadly’. He seems to think my new hair will be ‘deadly’. Going to London will be ‘deadly’ *eye twitch*
May 1 @debsa Nice belt love:
May 2 @frenchdoorfan By 6 o’clock tonight I will either be deliriously happy or borderline suicidal. Let’s hope it’s the former..
May 2 @ellen_briggs @Alex__Briggs Hey good job…now you can come home and finish the bathroom! x
May 6 @OMGFacts Dr. Suess coined the word “nerd”! It’s from the 1950 book, “If I Ran the Zoo”. Here’s what a nerd looked like –>
May 6 @iamamro Saw this and thought of @PastTenets :
An antidote to the Sun front page.
May 7 @mattwhatsit If you’re in Brighton tonight and finished all your bumming, why not take in @amateuradam & @amateursuman’s show. #FF
May 7 @Triciabel007 @iamchads We’ll you noticed now so i deam u in the highly Intellectual male percentile group now!
May 8 @Orbette Stupid fat fuck getting all up in my grill at the fucking bus stop looking at me like I’m mental. She looks like she’s used to sandwiches.
May 9 @Orbette The fucking size of this place.
May 10 @Average_Batman Trying to get cat into it’s carrier and accidentally put my finger up it’s arse. Neither of us said anything but the atmosphere is cold now
May 11 @TheDollSays Such is my job ennui that everyone around me sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher and all I can think about is cake.
May 12 @TheDollSays David Cameron will also outline plans to immediately disbelieve all food allergies and rename work-related stress ‘fannying about.’
May 12 @TheDollSays They’ve made a birthday card for my colleague with her as Wonder Woman. It’s so utterly banal, one of my eyes fell out just looking at it.
May 12 @RyanJJohn For a gender that can have multiple orgasms and can masturbate under a table without anyone knowing, you women sure are uptight.
May 13 @TheDollSays I might start carrying miniatures in my bag. I could neck a tiny Bell’s whenever I felt the urge to stab. I’d be muntered by 10am, though.
May 13 @TheDollSays When I finally carve my way out of here with a letter knife and into forensic history, the last straw will probably be that iPhone ringtone.
May 13 @TheMarydoll Do these count towards my 5 a day?
May 13 @GrahamTCousins @iamchads I can be a tad flippant. *waltzes with shadows*
May 13 @janeprinsep @iamchads @grahamtcousins *SCREAMS* I just want a LOLLIPOP!!! #iamstillbasicallyamanipulativechild
May 13 @GrahamTCousins @iamchads @janeprinsep *brandishes a strawberry chupa chup in a menacing fashion* *licks it first and then passes it over* Meh!!!
May 14 @5tevenw How much vodka goes into mashed potatoes again?
May 14 @5tevenw AIBOHPHOBIA – the fear of palindromes.
May 14 @5tevenw What is orange and sounds like a parrot?  A carrot
May 14 @5tevenw What do a dwarf and a midget have in common? Very little.
May 14 @TheDollSays There was a girl on the tube sadly tearing up a white rose. It would have been a beautifully poignant moment if she hadn’t been fuck ugly.
May 17 @Revmoon …”Why couldn’t you empty the dishwasher/wipe the work surface down/keep your cock out of the au pair?” @iamchads @Jackster69
May 18 @TheDollSays There was a woman on the tube with both a gunt and cankles. Basically I think she was melting.
May 18 @TeenyBella @TheMasterBrewer @iamchads @davielegend Its custard. Greggs is northern. Like pease pudding.
May 18 @TeenyBella @iamchads Are you posh? I imagine you are.
May 18 @TheSleepyNinja What the damp fuck is the new Anchor ad all about? Slave labour from cows to a hillbilly remix of Paradise City? I think I have sunstroke
May 20 @Revmoon I mean, no one actually asked me to talk about sex, but – fuck it – give me a mic and a crowd and I was always gonna talk about fucking.
May 20 @Revmoon I think if I was being fed feet first into a wood chipper, I could come up with better mascots for the 2012 Olympics.
May 20 @RoOkin I’m bored…. what cup is the rubber under? 😛  #yesiknowididthislastweek
May 20 @GrahamTCousins @Lynn_H_I – Mmmmmmm!!!  Just needs a touch of Mustard!!!
May 20 @TheDollSays Off to get the tube. Given current heat in London am anticipating BO, ugly toenails and bingo wings…and that’s just me. Haha! *kills self*
May 20 @brainpicker Gotta love the Pantone Hotel in Brussels
May 21 @janeprinsep @iamchads @grahamtcousins Ja, Ja, JA!!! #theybombedourchipshops #butiwouldstillofferthedifficultbrown x
May 21 @BobaFrigginFett @iamchads hahaha i like @jackster69’s avatar, we could be twins. pew pew
May 23 @5tevenw Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
May 24 @TheSleepyNinja @iamchads @joannarose @LSDinfo I feel like a kid with Panini Stickers. I want @LSDinfo to follow me, I will swap you my double jumpers!
May 26 @Average_Batman Just texted a pic of Mrs.B to Gok Wan and said ‘try & sort this one out’. He’s not text back yet
May 30 @TheSleepyNinja It all makes sense now
May 31 @janeprinsep @FugginEll I missed you Chadders, or Mr Ell, whoever you are! *Clutches you to breast* *Mainly to muffle terrible French*
May 31 @kirstinbutler Make your own Mondrian! Brilliant. (via @buzzfeed)
June 2 @PaulShakeySharp A scientist has invented a bra that hides erect nipples and stops tits bouncing up and down. His colleagues have kicked his fucking head in.
June 3 @RichHL @iamchads My ears were burning but that might have been the curried peas I pushed in there earlier. It’s been a strange night.
June 5 @davesusetty @iamchads Fill your bootß 😉
June 5 @mattwhatsit My wife is doing Race for Life tomorrow, or as I like to call it, The Gash Dash.
June 5 @mattwhatsit I’m no doctor, but I think Dora may have hydrocephalus.
June 5 @BinaryDad Sad and wise. No, I Don’t Remember Guildford –
June 7 @TheDollSays My company is organising a summer sports day. I bet I come first in the egg and fucking kill me now race.
June 7 @twiteryeanot HOW UTTERLY FUCKING BIZZARE — ” I’ve nearly fallen off my chair….
June 8 @mattwhatsit Gave my 10yo a PSP yesterday. He pointed out that it was just a PS1, CRT telly & a car battery in a shopping trolley. Ungrateful little git!
June 8 @sickipedia What is the difference between a football and a three year old?You don’t feel the urge to kick footballs in Tesco.
June 8 @TheDollSays Bloody Match advert. If someone tied their laces to mine in a shoe shop I’d take the other shoe off and beat them unconscious with it.
June 9 @TheDollSays Scary Boss hasn’t looked at me today. If I grabbed her head and twisted it towards me she’d let her neck snap before she made eye contact.
June 9 @TheDollSays I just described the scarf I’m wearing today as a ‘wardrobe staple’. If you need me I’ll be outside attempting to kick myself up the gash.
June 9 @martindeeson @iamchads I need to know how to do this. Now. Before I explode.
June 10 @janeprinsep @iamchads Thanks mate! *Pours wine onto Special K* xx
June 12 @mattwhatsit Mrs Whatsit is going on a hen do tonight and just declared “I’m wearing a dress tonight, for easy access”. *blank face*
June 14 @TheDollSays Weight Watchers desserts are so fucking dull I may as well just write the word ‘chocolate’ down and lick the paper.
June 16 @Audi4Eva Update: MotorWeek Road Test: 2010 Audi A3 2.0 TDI
June 20 @PaulShakeySharp I’m so proud of my daughter, she learns new things every day. Today for example she learnt that ‘maybe later’ actually means ‘probably not.’
June 26 @janeprinsep @iamchads I am on FB. I visit it with the same enthusiasm as if I were visiting a cackling Auntie with facial hair and groping tendencies. x
June 28 @shitmydadsays “Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit.”
June 29 @brightideas888 @iamchads congratulations! You won… Nothing…sorry. But you shall forever be my 1000th. Acclaim like that doesn’t come about every day 😉