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So simple.

Men are stupid.

I simply wanted to pop out to the garage to get some cigarettes. If this story confuses you, imagine the expression on my face as it happened.

My car was blocked in by a company van, so I went back into the office and asked for someone to move it. Man A said Man E had the keys. Man E was nowhere to be found so Man B went and fetched the spare keys.

Man C suggested that, as Man D was at the sandwich shop he could get some. No problem, save me a trip..

I tried to ring Man D (the one at the sandwich shop), only for Man G to tell me that he’d changed his number.

Give me the number, I said, and I’ll call him. Man A then handed me his phone as he was dialling man D, except he wasn’t ringing Man D, he was ringing Man C. Meanwhile Man G was ringing the sandwich shop to see if Man D had left (he had).

Man E reappeared having just blocked the van in with another van.

Man B and Man E went out to move the vans, and found that Man D had arrived back from the sandwich shop blocking the other two vans in, and had disappeared into the toilet.

15 minutes later he came out, saying he’d given Man A the keys.

I walked to the petrol station.



This is a brief text conversation between my wife and I last night. There isn’t a lot of background story to it, except to say we were about go to a shop to buy rabbit food (yes, for the bloody rabbits), and I was a bit sniffy when I got home.

When you’ve been married for decades, you try not let arguments rumble on. You should also not try to win. This made me laugh, so I thought I’d share it (I’m in white):


National Poetry Day

There was a young lady on Twitter

Who played with a cat til it bit her

So she thought, “what the heck”

And twisted its neck

And now it’s a Siamese fritter.

(Chads hate cats)


New GCSE grades for 2012!

To clear up any confusion in the GCSE grading system, the new grades for 2012 have been announced:

Dante is moving his Twitter Friends to Google+