So simple.

Men are stupid.

I simply wanted to pop out to the garage to get some cigarettes. If this story confuses you, imagine the expression on my face as it happened.

My car was blocked in by a company van, so I went back into the office and asked for someone to move it. Man A said Man E had the keys. Man E was nowhere to be found so Man B went and fetched the spare keys.

Man C suggested that, as Man D was at the sandwich shop he could get some. No problem, save me a trip..

I tried to ring Man D (the one at the sandwich shop), only for Man G to tell me that he’d changed his number.

Give me the number, I said, and I’ll call him. Man A then handed me his phone as he was dialling man D, except he wasn’t ringing Man D, he was ringing Man C. Meanwhile Man G was ringing the sandwich shop to see if Man D had left (he had).

Man E reappeared having just blocked the van in with another van.

Man B and Man E went out to move the vans, and found that Man D had arrived back from the sandwich shop blocking the other two vans in, and had disappeared into the toilet.

15 minutes later he came out, saying he’d given Man A the keys.

I walked to the petrol station.

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